I FUCKING HATE YOU.

The past is fucking me over these days. I've never felt so .. bymyself, alone , isolated in my life. i guess everyone feels like that at some point?
This is beyond normal lonely feelings. I've never wanted to cry so much, scream so much, kill someone, or run so fast in my life.
exactly a year ago, this cunt faced fuckers lied,cheated,faked,&LIED so much to me. for the whole of last year, my life was fucking horrible- and at that time i thought it couldnt get any better. But fuck it, its the past right? thats what we all say- but the fucking past is what always haunts us, fucks with our everyday life of now. You'll always have a big part of you that'll hate yourself forever. That piece of you that will never be happy, cos of that someone/s that ruined the rest of your life.

i sincerely apologise if i sound like all i do is complain bout my life. But im hatin my reflection.

but there was no-one who knew i was going thru growin pains.

Your lying to yourself, yourr slowly dying, you're denying
your health is declining with your self esteem, you're crying out for help.


Yet another important person leaving. Shes become my bestf. Yes beautiful bestf i was the first to talk to you when you moved here, your the first one to care so much. You'd go outta your way to find out if i was okay, even if i missed skool for one day. Its insane how someone so incredibly generously nice is alive. I cant even begin to explain how much im gonna fucking miss you. Its just hard to even think aboutt. Amazing how im just 2days older then you, all the things we have in common. Atleast we're gonna stay in touch- i hope. I dont wanna lose another person for the stupidest reason, your amazing bestf, i love you !

xo

you'll always be my hero, even tho you've lostt your mindd.

Your' confusing the fuck outta me. Dead onn , you send mixed signals. Your fucken perfect when it was us talking, mucking round, it felt like old times, then back at skool; i feel like we cant even talk.Its driving me fuckin insane. I cant sleep each night cos i keep thinking of you, how it could be, or how it was. Its not fair- i wish i knew what the fuck you were thinking right now ):

together- we move mountains, let’s not make mountains out of molehills .

yet again, listening to another eminem song, whilst tryna get some sleep.

Skools finishing, final exams are over, new skool next  yr. So many people i went thru hiskool with arent even going to the same skool next yr, /: i really dont like this.

I feel like its all coming to an end. Everyones gonna be drifting... i can feel it happen right now.
I'm losing my old bestf, i can feel it. its my fault i know. Its just.. i cant be bothered with anything anymore. 

*Sigh, i can feel the major change. I really dont like change, well change i feel like i wont like. I guess i gotta get used to it, lifes full of fuckin changes.

 xo 

My favourite view in class.

Hes fine. In the sexy way. With his glasses on,doing his work.Hes not a full on nerd, he does his work; he also looks good doing it. He's tensing his arm while hes writing. His nerves are just... there. Oh god; how much i wish i was next to him right now, just to smell his scent ofc.
Just perfect. His smile even makes your heart hurt- in a good sort of way. The way he plays with his hair, makes him more charming. His charm. where do i start with the charm. I felt his breeze when he stood right infront of me, i got the tingles. He came to my sight out of nowhere. during a test actually. His laugh is the cutest & hottest thing at the same time. Hes excruciating. I wish.. I wish.. Hes wasnt a year younger than me.